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DMR make hinged clamps for mounting chain devices and bottle cages. 3 different sizes and there is a 31.8mm which should be perfect. Easy job to retro-fit an existing QR lever and bolt I reckon? Part Number: DMR-CLP-286 Alternatively here is something from a different application that would probably work. You might be able to contact the company for a ...

Sounds like a perfect use for a "wedge" seat post. Animal bikes has one, other companies might make longer ones. You'd need to get a Pivotal seat to go with it.

Since you already modified the frame a lot, I would go further and modify it again by welding two "ears" where you could attach a real quick release, something like the picture shown below: Another possibility would be to use a (cheap?) steel clamp which you could bend open, then wrap around the frame and put the quick release through. Steel will probably ...